Hear ye, hear ye! By the collaborative efforts of the Leylish Theatre and Cinema Union and the International Order of Anarchist Peasants, a new and fantastical competition is hereby announced:
Pewter, 36-year-old bachelor, Mighty Warrior, Master Craftsman, Apprentice Mage, Champion of the Meiringbury Tournament, soon-to-be Liberator of Teorn, and inspiration for the cultural phenomenon that is Fifty Shades of Pewter, believes that romance is in the air! At long, long last, he has found the strength to mend the pieces of his tragically shattered heart and search for love anew. Yes, Pewter – the Pewter – is seeking out the next love of his life, and you – yes, you – could be the chosen partner of his fate!
A grand Bachelor’s Ball shall be held on Saturday next, following the successful invasion of Teorn (we estimate the festivities to begin at approximately 8:30pm). All contestants shall have the chance to meet and mingle with Pewter at the Bachelor’s Ball; refreshments and entertainment will also be provided, courtesy of the cast and production team of Fifty Shades of Pewter: The Musical! and the Board of Leyland Tourism. At the grand finale of the evening, Pewter will present the rose-red Hammer of Passion to one lucky contestant, thus signaling the start of their new and blissful life together.
Will you be the one to win Pewter’s hammer – and his heart? Find out next Saturday by submitting your application letters to Leyton, Steward of Leyland, at the Queen’s University in Rhuddeil!
Disclaimer: By the specific and emphatic request of Pewter himself, we remind contestants that Fifty Shades of Pewter is a work of fiction or, at best, heavily embellished history. If you cannot distinguish between fact and fiction, please do not apply to attend the Bachelor’s Ball. Altering your appearance to resemble that of the late Prince Nicon or attempting to speak in a stupid fake Northmarcher accent is also highly unlikely to further your suit. Furthermore, if you are foolish enough to request that Pewter sing you the theme from Fifty Shades, we are not responsible for any ensuing bodily harm. You have been warned.